


i don't know where you're going

by ThisJoyAndI



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M, Spoilers for 2x16, That finale wrecked me, WRECKED ME
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-12
Updated: 2015-03-12
Packaged: 2018-03-17 12:51:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3530096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThisJoyAndI/pseuds/ThisJoyAndI
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(and i don't know why)<br/>'He should have gone after her, but he loves her too much to refuse her anything – even something as ridiculous as her decision to shoulder the guilt and responsibility all alone. He loves her, and in the end he can only hope she'll come back to him.'</p>
            </blockquote>





	i don't know where you're going

He doesn't want to let her go. He never would. He wants nothing more than to run after her and beg her to come back to camp, back to the place where she belongs, the place where people love her, no matter what she might think. He understands her need for solidarity, her need to be alone to sort through her thoughts and feelings, but that doesn't mean he has to like it.

No one should be alone right now, especially not Clarke.

What she'd done, what they'd both done, had been for the good of their people, and she can hold no blame for that. But somehow she thinks she does, that she needs to, and he can see no way to convince her otherwise. He thinks only she will be able to achieve that. 

So he lets her go, turning to watch as her figure fades into the trees, her shoulders squared and eyes looking straight ahead. He can almost picture the burden she thinks rest upon her shoulders, a burden she thinks she must carry alone. If she'd only let him, he'd gladly take his fair share, for he's committed far worse acts than Clarke ever will. Cage had doomed his people to their fate by refusing to let their people go, and while he'll always carry with him the image of innocent people dead in the dining hall, will always regret what had occurred, there had been no other alternative.

Clarke must know that, surely. She has to know that.

So why is she blaming herself? Why won't she let him help her, let him shoulder some of her guilt? Why isn't she with them now, sipping slowly from a cup of moonshine and sitting with them in a silent circle, all of the broken and bruised but still alive – unlike so many others. She's doomed herself without reservation, leaving with no pack, no supplies, no food. She might be the most capable woman he's ever met (besides O, of course) but not even Clarke can fend for herself without a weapon or basic supplies. And the bullets in her gun will run out soon enough. He can hardly bear to think of what might happen next, if only to retain some sense of optimism for Jasper, for Monty, for Harper, for everyone who'd suffered at the hands of Mount Weather and must only know that Clarke will surely come back, no matter what he fears to the contrary.

He should have gone after her, but he loves her too much to refuse her anything – even something as ridiculous as her decision to shoulder the guilt and responsibility all alone.

He loves her, and in the end he can only hope she'll come back to him. If separation from everyone is what she needs right now, he'll gladly give it to her. If she comes back needing reassurance that what she did, what they did, was the right thing, he'll tell her over and over again that it was, repeat it like a mantra until she finally believes him. Years from now, if she needs him to hold her tight as she shakes after another dream filled with dead bodies and the sound of drills, he'll be by her side.

He'll always be by her side, and that is why it is tremendously difficult to resist the urge to leave camp and follow her in the days that pass after Clarke's departure, deep bags under his eyes from staying up every night watching over everyone in medical.

She'd told him to take care of them, and he will. He'd do anything for her.

Maybe when the seasons change, she'll come back. Maybe then he'll be able to share with her the feelings he has for her, the feelings he's always had for her, even when he saw her as a snooty, selfish princess who could never understand what true suffering felt like.

How wrong he had been.

Maybe he won't ever tell her how he feels, and that'll be okay too. Nothing matters more than Clarke being by his side again, willing to share the burden of leadership with him and ready to forge a bright future for their people, a future where they never have to make terrible decisions again.

They'll meet again.

He won't accept anything else.

 

**Author's Note:**

> THAT FINALE! WHAT A WONDERFUL TRAGIC FINALE! 
> 
> Clarke Griffin is one of the most complex and fantastic characters I've seen on tv in a while and I just want to gather her up and hug her tight because it wasn't her fault. 
> 
> (That Bellarke hug, cheek kiss, all-around general parallels to earlier scenes and Bellamy trying desperately to convince Clarke to stay just wrecked me, seriously. And like someone on tumblr said, Bellamy and Clarke love each - maybe it's just as friends, maybe it's something more. But they do love each other, and I can only hope that in s3 Clarke returns to camp after realising she needs to have Bellamy by her side for strength and support. They balance each other out perfectly, and it's a dynamic I hope continues).


End file.
